Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
