She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I died a long time ago.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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