I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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