cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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