I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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