alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
