The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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