The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
