I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
