Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
