wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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