I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
