I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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