i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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