Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
