My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
