i love accidental penises.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I just put wine in my tea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think weed is turning my hair brown
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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