i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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