your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
