You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
