I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
