just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
