That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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