You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
