man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
