she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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