literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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