i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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