Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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