By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
