census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
