it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
