that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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