All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
