no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
