So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
