i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
