I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
