I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
