dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
