it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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