I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
