I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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