He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
