My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
