I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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