how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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