brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
