You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
