Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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