We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
