You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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