Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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